So what's next? There's a hiring fair for a local appliance factory. I go, I get hired, I wait, and I wait some more. It's not a career, but that whole hunting for a career thing isn't going so well for me.
Finally I get the call. I'm being put on third shift. Not my first choice of shift, but it'll do. I show up, I work the eight hours watching the appliance parts moving slowly around the factory like waves of an aluminum ocean. I'm terrible at the job, but apparently not that bad for the first day. The guy training me jokingly asks on the way out "So you going to come back tomorrow?"
"Of course" I reply. I'm no quitter, not that easily anyway. I head home as the sun is coming up. My home greets me with an extra fun surprise that morning, the air conditioning has died. It's the hottest day of the year so far. I attempt to adjust to my new sleep schedule anyway, but the temperature of the house, even with windows open and fans on, is up around 96 degrees. I sweat, I toss and turn, naked and sweaty, but I don't sleep. The house doesn't move and flow like the assembly line did and I'm suffering from a reverse seasickness. I don't call an A/C repairman either, because I'm broke. I slept a few hours before work yesterday in a attempt to not be totally exhausted for work, but nothing consequence. Delirium starts to set in, I never slept.
Finally I get the call. I'm being put on third shift. Not my first choice of shift, but it'll do. I show up, I work the eight hours watching the appliance parts moving slowly around the factory like waves of an aluminum ocean. I'm terrible at the job, but apparently not that bad for the first day. The guy training me jokingly asks on the way out "So you going to come back tomorrow?"
"Of course" I reply. I'm no quitter, not that easily anyway. I head home as the sun is coming up. My home greets me with an extra fun surprise that morning, the air conditioning has died. It's the hottest day of the year so far. I attempt to adjust to my new sleep schedule anyway, but the temperature of the house, even with windows open and fans on, is up around 96 degrees. I sweat, I toss and turn, naked and sweaty, but I don't sleep. The house doesn't move and flow like the assembly line did and I'm suffering from a reverse seasickness. I don't call an A/C repairman either, because I'm broke. I slept a few hours before work yesterday in a attempt to not be totally exhausted for work, but nothing consequence. Delirium starts to set in, I never slept.
I do remember eventually getting in the car and driving to work in the dark for a second shift. I never arrived though. I woke up about an hour after I was supposed to start, in the cool night air ... in my bedroom. My brain echos for a moment what I was told at the hiring fair "No call, equals no employment." I don't care. I close my eyes and sleep till the sun again bakes the house to 96 degrees because I'm not coherent enough to care about anything but sleep. That's the end of job number three since my layoff. I try not to beat myself up over it because it's not my fault right? I mean, I didn't break the air conditioning, but ... keeping it working was my responsibility. I guess. Fuck.
The next day I call a repairman. It may take quarter of the money I have in the bank, but I can't have another disaster like that. Air is essential in that glorified excuse for a double wide. Luckily there's another hiring fair that very afternoon. So I find myself with a new, second shift, a factory job at a cookie factory ... at slightly less pay. But it's work nonetheless. As an extra bonus orientation is on my birthday. Just how I wanted to spend it.
On the eve of my birthday I strike up a conversation with a friend from college. She tells me she has read my writing and she can relate. She's fighting her own battle with depression. She asks me to come visit her the next day to talk and I agree. It's an hour drive but I know it's the right thing for me to do. So the next day after a painful boring session of paperwork and dated training videos I head out there.
The next day I call a repairman. It may take quarter of the money I have in the bank, but I can't have another disaster like that. Air is essential in that glorified excuse for a double wide. Luckily there's another hiring fair that very afternoon. So I find myself with a new, second shift, a factory job at a cookie factory ... at slightly less pay. But it's work nonetheless. As an extra bonus orientation is on my birthday. Just how I wanted to spend it.
On the eve of my birthday I strike up a conversation with a friend from college. She tells me she has read my writing and she can relate. She's fighting her own battle with depression. She asks me to come visit her the next day to talk and I agree. It's an hour drive but I know it's the right thing for me to do. So the next day after a painful boring session of paperwork and dated training videos I head out there.
We talk about nothing and about our battles with the demons inside our heads. She tells me that I'm the first non blood relation to be inside her home in years. This surprises me almost as much as it surprises her that I chose to spend my birthday with her. I head home after a few hours and do absolutely nothing the rest of the day. I think to myself that this is the best birthday I've had in a long time. It both makes me sad and proud at the same time.
New job, good birthday, I think I'll reward myself by doing something social, purely for the sake of doing something social. Shocking I know. My librarian friend is coming to this side of the state for the weekend to watch her niece compete in the roller derby. Perhaps I'll go . . .
Where do I begin with The Librarian? I first met her early on in college long before she was a librarian. Her sister had been a coworker of mine (and my ex-wife's) when we worked in one of the dining halls as burger flippers. The Librarian's sister was the "little sister" in our little work clique, the guys looked out for her and no one was allowed to be mean to her. I didn't find out until later she was mostly unaware of out protective nature.
New job, good birthday, I think I'll reward myself by doing something social, purely for the sake of doing something social. Shocking I know. My librarian friend is coming to this side of the state for the weekend to watch her niece compete in the roller derby. Perhaps I'll go . . .
Where do I begin with The Librarian? I first met her early on in college long before she was a librarian. Her sister had been a coworker of mine (and my ex-wife's) when we worked in one of the dining halls as burger flippers. The Librarian's sister was the "little sister" in our little work clique, the guys looked out for her and no one was allowed to be mean to her. I didn't find out until later she was mostly unaware of out protective nature.
One Halloween Lil' Sis invited myself and the ex-wife to a Halloween party held at Sister #3's. We were party hopping that night so we made no plans to stay at any one locale more than two hours. This party was our first stop and Lil' Sis decided to show up fashionably late. As in ... so late we passed her on the way out. So our time at the party was spent making small talk to strangers, the Librarian and Sister #3 among them.
Frankly, I had all but forgotten about her when several years, and several job promotions later, both the ex-wife and I were both working nice desk jobs in the main offices for Dining Services and it was decided that the ex needed an assistant. Due to a hiring freeze, the assistant was acquired via a temp agency, and the temp agency sent the Librarian.
Frankly, I had all but forgotten about her when several years, and several job promotions later, both the ex-wife and I were both working nice desk jobs in the main offices for Dining Services and it was decided that the ex needed an assistant. Due to a hiring freeze, the assistant was acquired via a temp agency, and the temp agency sent the Librarian.
Our working relationship was entirely unremarkable, she was still working there when I left several months later for that real post graduation job, the one that six years later laid me off sending me into this downward spiral of a life I am currently living. She eventually left the job for maternity leave, which isn't really maternity leave when you're working a temp job. It's more like semi-voluntary layoff. I lost track of her after that.
After I lost my job, when not searching for jobs, I'd use my abundance of spare time to search for everyone I'd ever met on Facebook. Eventually I found Lil' Sis, and through her, I found the Librarian. My ex-wife was looking forward to reconnecting with her as well, seeing as they were both mothers now and could bond over that or whatever excuse she was using to render my discovery somehow smaller and make it her discovery not mine.
After I lost my job, when not searching for jobs, I'd use my abundance of spare time to search for everyone I'd ever met on Facebook. Eventually I found Lil' Sis, and through her, I found the Librarian. My ex-wife was looking forward to reconnecting with her as well, seeing as they were both mothers now and could bond over that or whatever excuse she was using to render my discovery somehow smaller and make it her discovery not mine.
We talk, off and on, at first for no particular reason other than working at the library afforded her the time to be on Facebook all the time, and I had no social life beyond the computer. She told me later that for the first few months she thought I was only talking to her because I'd mistaken her for her Lil' Sis. We talked and began to develop a real friendship.
She was there for me when my wife left, and the next nine months of unemployment and total social isolation. She was also there for me through my ventures into the world of dating and my battles with depression and everything else. Hell, she even offered to give me money for my date with the Magician. She was online all the working day, while I was online for the entire day because what the fuck else did I have to do. She was never my first choice to go to with my problems no matter the category; money, depression, kids, dating, ex-wife, job ... but she was my second choice each and every time, which somehow led her to becoming my best and closest friend without me even realizing it.
I guess that's not entirely true. She wasn't my second choice on every topic. She was my first choice to go to on the topic of "Who my (not legally but in every other practical sense) ex-wife was dating." You see at some point after blocking me on Facebook (the kindest thing she ever did for me) she created a second Facebook account, to paraphrase her actual first post, because she was tired of her family telling her she was posting inappropriate things about me so she created a new account where she could do just that. Of course my ex then failed to block me from that account, so back when I was still trying to work things out with her, I stalked that Facebook account, and discovered she went to a Halloween party in matching costumes with some dude from her medieval reenactment group. Matching Halloween costumes are a dead give away for dating someone. Anyway this dude is Facebook friends with the Librarian who also used to be a part of this LARP group back in the day.
I guess that's not entirely true. She wasn't my second choice on every topic. She was my first choice to go to on the topic of "Who my (not legally but in every other practical sense) ex-wife was dating." You see at some point after blocking me on Facebook (the kindest thing she ever did for me) she created a second Facebook account, to paraphrase her actual first post, because she was tired of her family telling her she was posting inappropriate things about me so she created a new account where she could do just that. Of course my ex then failed to block me from that account, so back when I was still trying to work things out with her, I stalked that Facebook account, and discovered she went to a Halloween party in matching costumes with some dude from her medieval reenactment group. Matching Halloween costumes are a dead give away for dating someone. Anyway this dude is Facebook friends with the Librarian who also used to be a part of this LARP group back in the day.
The Librarian never told me much about him either way, save for the "He's an okay guy, you don't have to worry about him around your kids." That opinion seemed based on facts, even if they weren't being shared with me. If anyone else had told me that it would have been empty reassurances.
The Librarian had quit that group soon after her daughter was born. The story as I remember it, is that she brought her newborn daughter to some event to show her off and one delightful member of this group made a comment to the effect of "So what? it's a baby!" She decided she didn't fit in there much after that. The post-script to the story, "Oh yeah, that's you ex-wife's boyfriend's wife. He's the only guy on the planet who can date your ex and upgrade."
So after more than a year of talking nearly daily on the computer, I finally see the Librarian in person. I'm sitting in the bleachers at the roller derby when I see her and I remember thinking to myself with no specific concept of why, "I'm going to get hurt here." The night was unremarkable, we hung out as friends, with other (male) friends of hers she hadn't seen in a long time, who spent the entire night fawning over her, competing for her attention, much to my amusement.
The Librarian had quit that group soon after her daughter was born. The story as I remember it, is that she brought her newborn daughter to some event to show her off and one delightful member of this group made a comment to the effect of "So what? it's a baby!" She decided she didn't fit in there much after that. The post-script to the story, "Oh yeah, that's you ex-wife's boyfriend's wife. He's the only guy on the planet who can date your ex and upgrade."
So after more than a year of talking nearly daily on the computer, I finally see the Librarian in person. I'm sitting in the bleachers at the roller derby when I see her and I remember thinking to myself with no specific concept of why, "I'm going to get hurt here." The night was unremarkable, we hung out as friends, with other (male) friends of hers she hadn't seen in a long time, who spent the entire night fawning over her, competing for her attention, much to my amusement.
I felt no need to compete for her attention. She's my friend and in one of our many electronic conversations about my so-called love life, she'd told me "Don't worry, unlike all those other bitches, I don't want to date you." That seems pretty cut and dry.
We talk the following Monday, before I head to my first day, on second shift, at the cookie factory. I don't recall the exact conversation but we had fun, and it'd been a long time since I'd had real fun. She tells me next time we're on the same side of the state, we should do it again. I tell her I'd be glad to make up some reason to be on her side of the state the next weekend I have without my kids.
The first two weeks at the cookie factory went by slowly. With something new and exciting to look forward too, it was all I could think about. The work was some days hard. Imagine shoveling cookie dough from a bathtub on wheels, into a hopper with a sewer grate on top of it, and then having to do CPR on it so that it filters through the hopper at an even pace, all while in an unairconditioned factory in the middle of summer next to hot ovens. Other days it was "Your line broke down, look busy or they'll send you home."
Over the next few months that one happened a lot, and looking busy for days on end isn't easy. People notice you walking around, or always carrying a broom and they suspect you have nothing to do.
The first two weeks at the cookie factory went by slowly. With something new and exciting to look forward too, it was all I could think about. The work was some days hard. Imagine shoveling cookie dough from a bathtub on wheels, into a hopper with a sewer grate on top of it, and then having to do CPR on it so that it filters through the hopper at an even pace, all while in an unairconditioned factory in the middle of summer next to hot ovens. Other days it was "Your line broke down, look busy or they'll send you home."
Over the next few months that one happened a lot, and looking busy for days on end isn't easy. People notice you walking around, or always carrying a broom and they suspect you have nothing to do.
The best way to look busy was to not look busy. I'd sit in the break room for seven out of eight hours on my shift. The supervisors were always on the look out for people with not enough work on the factory floor, but if you were in the break room, it was okay not to be working. Supervisors only came into the break room when they were on break, so they would have no idea that I'd been there all shift. Half the time physically exhausting, half painfully boring. Then some nights I'd just come home and be covered in cinnamon from head to toe. The Friday before my first trip to the Librarian's was one of those nights.
I made the two hour drive to her place. I met her daughter. It didn't dawn on me until I met her child that while I talked to this woman every day, she didn't really talk to me.
I made the two hour drive to her place. I met her daughter. It didn't dawn on me until I met her child that while I talked to this woman every day, she didn't really talk to me.
She was a great friend and great listener, but revealed remarkably little about her self, the least of which was her daughters name. Not that it mattered that I didn't know the child's name, as I'd eventually start calling the six year old "Dino" for the way she greeted me at the door, loud, bouncy and nearly knocking me over with her affectionate hugs that were more like football tackles. We went out to eat. We entertained her daughter. I spent the night, heading home the next afternoon.
On the way out she mentions casually that she'll be in my neck of the woods the following weekend for a family reunion and how it'd be great if she didn't have to drive all the way back the same day. I offer my place with the note that my kids will be there. "No problem, then reunion's in the park, bring them with us. Free food."
Free food .. Score. Wait. With us? To your family reunion? Three out of four weekends together? Meeting each others kids is one thing ... but family and extended family? I pondered that over on the drive home. It doesn't sound like just friends, but she specifically stated, unsolicited I might add, that she had no interest in dating. Plus we live two hours apart and are both broke and it'd just be a bad idea, and she knows every damn detail about every thought I've had about my love life for the past year. But ... yeah, I guess I'm thinking about it. More than I should be, which is to say I shouldn't be thinking about it at all. Maybe I already was thinking about it when I thought I was going to get hurt.
Free food .. Score. Wait. With us? To your family reunion? Three out of four weekends together? Meeting each others kids is one thing ... but family and extended family? I pondered that over on the drive home. It doesn't sound like just friends, but she specifically stated, unsolicited I might add, that she had no interest in dating. Plus we live two hours apart and are both broke and it'd just be a bad idea, and she knows every damn detail about every thought I've had about my love life for the past year. But ... yeah, I guess I'm thinking about it. More than I should be, which is to say I shouldn't be thinking about it at all. Maybe I already was thinking about it when I thought I was going to get hurt.
The two hour drive home gave me plenty of time to think. Eventually I decided that I already knew it was not going to end the way I wanted it to, and while I didn't know what that meant but ... somehow I knew it'd be worth it regardless of what that meant. It may go nowhere, it may go somewhere, but I'll try anyway, to see where it goes.
The next weekend came, the five of us, her and Dino, me and my two kids went to her family reunion. We hung out at my house. She read stories to my kids. Sunday came and I took my kids back to their mother's. Meanwhile the Librarian had called off work at the library because of her college homework she'd not yet finished, or maybe because she wanted to stay one more night. On Monday when she went to leave we're saying good byes and ... she kissed me?!? Right there in my kitchen ... she kisses me?
This is my life now.
The next weekend came, the five of us, her and Dino, me and my two kids went to her family reunion. We hung out at my house. She read stories to my kids. Sunday came and I took my kids back to their mother's. Meanwhile the Librarian had called off work at the library because of her college homework she'd not yet finished, or maybe because she wanted to stay one more night. On Monday when she went to leave we're saying good byes and ... she kissed me?!? Right there in my kitchen ... she kisses me?
This is my life now.
