Oh Why, Oh Why Can't I?

So despite my economic difficulties I decide to keep my word about going to Lil Sis's wedding on the other side of the country. I guess it wasn't really a promise as much as with was ... fanciful dreaming. I mean I had two criteria that had to happen to allow me to go, which were semi arbitrary. But when both of those things are nearly entirely out of your control it's hard to argue with when it happens. Call it fate. Call it my stupidity. Call it buying happiness. Either way ... I'm going.

Now I need to figure out how to do this. If I'm going to this, I'm doing this all out. I contact Sister #3 and tell her the vague outline of my plan to sneak across the country. I'm going to surprise her. And by her I mean the Librarian ... and her daughter, Dino ...  and while we're at it also her Lil' Sis. I just need a place to stay for two nights and some addresses of some sort to plug into my GPS when I get there. 

For the next month and a half I'm so slick. I act jealous that I'm not going. I make the Librarian promise to take lots of pictures for me, but accidentally forget to loan her my camera. Which means I wind up delivering it my co-conspirator, Sister #3 who lives only few miles from me, it's an easy and logical solution given this is a long distance relationship. It also lets me finalize all the travel plans.

The week prior to the wedding I work nine hour days letting me leave work four hours early on Friday. I drive an hour and half to the airport. The whole way I daydream how this is going to play out. I told myself "if I'm doing this, I'm going to do this all out" but what exactly does that mean? I haven't yet said that scary four letter "L" word to her. I can't imagine a better setup to do so though ... flying cross country to spent a weekend with her.

I get to the airport plenty early. The nightmare TSA stories are not reality, in this case anyway. So I have an hour to kill. I still at the terminal and ponder the ways it might play out some more. If I was doing this for my ex-wife she'd scream at me for wasting the money. still hearing her voice in my head. I convince myself this is not going to go down like that. 

I ponder chickening out and not telling her how I feel about her. Why risk a perfect weekend for that? I know she's not where I am. I've known from the beginning I'd wind up getting hurt by her. Will this be too much? Maybe I should just go home and forget about it. What's low self esteem and what's ligitimate worries?

I pop my ear buds in, plug them into my iPhone and put the playlist on shuffle. The sky begins to darken and I wonder if the flight will be delayed by rain. 

Suddenly the clouds let loose and it's pouring rain. As if on cue, a cover of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'loe begins to play. It's a beautiful Hawaiian take on the song, and anyone who knows me, knows I'm obsessed with cover songs.The rain lets up just as quickly, as it started leaving behind the biggest and brightest double rainbow I've ever seen. The lady sitting across from me points it out to me, so I'm sure I'm not dreaming. The song fades in perfect sync with the rainbows. If it happened in a movie I'd say it was unbelievable. But it just happened to me. It's the most perfect moment in my entire life. 

Yeah, I'm doing this. I decide to push all in. I board the plane and head off ... somewhere over the rainbow.

The time zone thing throws me off. I'm not exactly sure what time it is when I arrive at the cabin we're staying in. The flight was about four hours and I drove the rental car another hour and a half. Sister #3 greets me at the door. I'm exhausted. It's sometime in the dead of night, which actually is perfect. The Librarian has a habit of waking up around this time for about an hour, so no need to wake her. I haven't eaten since noon so I attack some left overs, about three bites in, she appears. "I thought you were up to something, I just didn't know what!" I'm exhausted and very out of it, but so glad to see her. We go to bed soon after. It's a big day tomorrow, wedding and all. We crash on the foldout couch and sleep for a few hours. 

In the morning her daughter wakes up, and as she emerges blurry eyed from the bedroom her mother asks "Guess who's here?" I'm tackled with a hug."Down Dino! Down! I'm glad to see you too."

Soon after the Bride-To-Be stops by. I hide in the bedroom until she asks "Who's car is out front?"  Lil' Sis squeals when she sees me. We hug and she exclaims "You're my oldest friend here!" I hadn't really thought of that. I mean I knew she moved cross country several years earlier, but who if anyone from before that relocation would be there hadn't even occurred to me.

At every wedding I've been involved with, including my own there's always been one guy, usually the boyfriend of one of the bridesmaids who winds up running around all day, doing every kind of errand and chore to make those last little details come together. 

I drive the girls to the hairdressers, I make a StarBucks run. I pick up and deliver the wedding cake. I get forgotten make-up from the bride's house. I get pizzas so the bridal party can eat lunch. I setup decorations. I do whatever anyone asks of me. I keep Dino the precocious six year old entertained. This time, I'm that guy. And I couldn't be happier.

About fifteen minutes before the wedding is to start I finally change into my nice clothes, only to realize in all my efforts to do everything for everyone else, I forgot my own shoes back at the cabin. Plaid deck shoes with no socks in nice suit will have to do. Hopefully no one will notice. Right about then I meet the the Librarian's mother, a local, for the first time. She notices the shoes. 

The reception is held at a Library, I wonder whose idea that was. I'm in charge of moving decorations from the ceremony to the reception. I'm stressing out, not because of that, but because I need to find that perfect moment to say "it." Those scary three words. I've all but talked myself out of saying it again when I enter the reception hall and the song playing ... that same damn cover of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." 

Okay, I get it. I'm not chickening out. As the sun goes down, I drag the Librarian up to the roof, we watch the sun go down behind a mountain. "How many times have you watched the sunset like this?" "Never" she replies, "But now it's getting cold, and my shoes are downstairs." She heads in. I think I may have just missed the moment.

The next morning we take the two hour whirlwind tour of town. See some sights, take some pictures, and by 1 pm, its time for me to head to the airport, my heart is beating out of my chest. We're saying our goodbyes and her daughter is dancing around us, pulling on her mother's arm and literally pushing herself in between us. Finally I can't wait any longer or I'll miss my flight. I kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear ..."I Love You" then dash for the car.

On the flight home I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I was "that guy" at the wedding. Damn near perfect weekend ... except for the shoes. It feels really, really good to be "that guy." The thing I forgot about "that guy" at the wedding, is they never seem to around very long afterwards.

I saw her once more after that before she ended it.

This is my life now.