How Soon Is Now?

A bit of good news. I was offered a temporary work at home job, via an internet friend. Pay is 40% more per hour than my old full time job and the hours are pretty darn flexible. The only down side is it only lasts two weeks. Still it's enough money to make a difference come holiday time. Granted every dollar I earn takes away from my employment benefits, but for these two weeks but I still come out significantly ahead.

Of course with the offer of temporary employment I first had to scramble running all scenarios of unemployment + this job + wife's income to make sure I didn't accidentally make too much money and lose some of the government aid we're getting. How disgusting is that. I could make too much money and wind up in worse shape than when I started. Government Aid is a game, a balancing act. Make ten dollars too much and lose hundreds of dollars in support. I hate that I have to play it, but my choices are limited. Yes, people choose to be poor. They can't afford to be just above poor. Just above poor is poorer than poor. I'm a white, educated male still married to my wife, therefor I'm the least eligible for government assistance. Not that I want assistance, I want a solution. And I can't seem to find this solution on my own right now. Not in this economy.

Sunday, I returned home from running errands and my wife informs me that the computer "isn't working." Fine, I can take a look at it. It won't boot. This isn't a simple software malfuction either. It's not even making that subtle hum of the hard drive spinning. I open it up and restart to confirm my worst fears. The computer's dead. Best case it needs a new hard drive, worst case there an electrical issue I'll never find.

My temp job starts in less than twenty four hours and I just lost the one tool I needed to do it. I just lost the lifeline to job hunting and sanity. I've been told in darkest times be thankful for what you still have, and after family, this was number one on the list. Now I've always kept anything critical on external drives so no real data's been lost. I just can't access any of it.

How do I do this job? How do I even contact my "boss" to tell him I can't work. His contact info is on the computer?!? I'm on a verge of a total break down. I wonder to the living room and slump on the couch as I apprise my beloved of the situation. "What do we do?" she asks. The only think I can think to do is run to WalMart and buy one, but oh yeah that whole lack of income thing. What else am I to do at 7pm on a Sunday night?

My wife and I briefly yell at each other out of shear frustration, but quickly think better. My wife starts planning the week as if we can go to public library and work there. But I simply can't do this job from a public terminal. Finally my wife asks me if I know anyone with a spare. No, when my friends need computer help, they call me. Then she suggests my parents.

So I call them and as luck would have it, they do in fact have a spare. I'm about to hang up and I say, "Why don't you make sure it'll boot up before I drive two hours there?" So my father hangs up and I wait his call.
My wife in the mean time decides to go to one of her social club meetings, leaving me with the kids.

Are you kidding me? It's already dark out, and you want me to drive two hours, with the kids, well after their bedtime, to pick up a computer and then another two hours back!?! Can't you offer at least some moral support for this crisis that possibly effects out entire existence? Can't you take one kid? Must you totally abandon me when I'm on the verge of a nervous break down? Maybe that's a little much. Perhaps over dramatic, but all the sudden everything was totally out of my control and I just wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay, and my wife decides to go socialize!

Tick ... Tick ... *ring*

"Good thing you made me boot that up first, because it didn't work" he informs me. I sigh as I feel all hope drain out of me. "What's your back up plan?" I don't have one, there was no plan for this, there's not plan for everything going to crap out of the blue with no warning when I suddenly have a chance to earn money the next morning. Then my dad remembers his old lap top. It's a long shot, but he'll try to boot that. Of course he when he calls back, he can't find the power cord. Another false hope. He does however suggest calling my grandmother. She only uses her computer "once a month" according to my mother.

I call her. I can't remember the last time I called her and I suddenly feel guilty for calling her now in an emergency. She says I can take whatever I need. I tell her I'll be down as soon as I can pack the kids up. She tries to talk me out of bringing the kids down but I tell her "I don't have a choice."

I pack the kids and toys and food into the car as quickly as I can and hit the road. It's already pitch black out. I'm no more than fifteen miles from home and my cell phone rings. It's my mom. She tells me my sister has a lap top she only uses when she travels for work, and she doesn't travel for work this time of year. I call my sister and make the arrangements. Then call my grandmother to tell her the change of plans. Grandma makes me promise to call her after I check out the lap top to let her know either way. I'm sure it's several hours past their usual bedtime.

Two hours later I arrive at my sisters', I unpack the kids, check the laptop, change diapers and pack them all back up. When I call my grandma she tells me to stop by on the way home as Grandpa has some "spare change" he wants to give me.

I stop by, and am met at the car. Grandpa asks how I'm doing and I tell him honestly that I've been better. He hands me his "spare change" and tells me if I can't use it to put it in the kids bank account. I tell him I can definitely use it and shove it deep in my pocket. It's dark so I couldn't see what I was given. I didn't have to. I felt two crisp uncirculated dollar bills.  I woke the kids to say hi, the least I could do and then we were on our way.

When I got home after midnight and had put the kids to bed, I finally pulled the money out. Two brand new hundred dollar bills. I'm glad I didn't know when I was there. I'm not sure I could have taken that much from anyone. My grandparents are amazing wonderful people and my biggest regret in my life is that by the time I realized this I lived too far away to do much about it.

They lived through the great depression. He fought in World War II, although I've never had the nerve to ask where or how. He could fix anything when I was growing up. During the depression you had to. Even into his early 70's he was out doing hard labor. Now time has caught up with him. His sense of sight all but gone, his hearing, even on the best days, is poor. His mind is still sharp, his heart obviously still powerful. A cruelity of age to rob someone of their tools but still leave the knowledge. Something that frustrates him daily.

Grandma is the queen of crafts. She could sew anything. My best shirts in high school and college were hand made from her. I had more than one request to literally buy the shirt off my back. For our first anniversary she gave me a scrap book. The most amazing thing. Starting with photos of her and my grandfather as kids, then my mother, then myself and my sisters. Filled with drawings I was too young to remember making, photos of mundane moments of my life I didn't even remember her being there for. When someone asks the hypothetical question, "God forbid should your house catch on fire, after your family what would be the one thing you'd save?" This is my answer.

Through my life, they've always helped me out. My mother tells me I'm their favorite and I'm too embarrassed to find out if it's true. They sold my wife and I their car just after we were married. They took a small deposit on it and then returned any other payments we sent. After six months of returned checks, we stopped trying to pay. That type of generosity was common, and always appreciated, but until now I never realized how poorly I've done at showing my gratitude. Partially because I was embarrassed at being the favorite and embarrassed because the money they gave me far exceeded what I thought they should be able to afford given their lifestyle. But mainly because I took it for granted. Not that I didn't appreciate it, but I didn't appreciate it enough.

They've been married sixty plus years. As I struggle through my sixth year of marriage, that amazes me. I want to be like them. Their Depression era thriftiness I'm starting to get, although not by conscious effort. I want to grow old and be able to help my kids or grandkids out like they helped us out. I want to spend a life time with my wife. I want to live a life that's a rich and as full as theirs has been.

There's not doubt in my mind that one day one of them will pass, and the other one will pass days later. I hope that day is far, far away. I hope I can get back on my feet before then and finally have the chance to know these amazing people I've taken for granted for so long. Money equals time, and I don't have money right now so I don't have the time and that just adds to all the pain.

This is my life now.