I do want to be friends again. Yeah, crap happened and there were hurt feelings on my part, but suddenly none of that seems important. Big picture, it never was. I'd been out of her life for a year, and since burying the hatchet so to speak would be, weird, awkward and totally at the bottom of her list of priorities, the logical thing is to just revert to the last good point in the relationship. Out dating relationship never really went bad. It just kind of ended. Obviously we can't revert to that for a number of reasons, the most glaring of which is her fiancé. Roll back the clock even farther to when we were just friends ... And then I didn't yet know her daughter.
Where this goes is on me, and her to agree to or not. In the laundry list of ways her life has changed, me being back is at the bottom to be dealt with, if it shows up at all on said list. So I put on my big boy pants and press forward. We talk, about nothing at first. But eventually I selfishly go back to selfishly bitching about my own life. I know that sounds strange, but it seems to be exactly what she needed. It's kinda sorta normal, and it gives her something else to think about.
Pressing forward with this new/old friendship would be slightly less awkwardish if I was seeing someone. Odd numbers and such. Besides, I have a steady job now, it's the next logical step in moving my life forward. I hit the dating sites, start talking to a handful of gals.
Online dating is a pain in the ass. As awkward and difficult a blind first date is, it's so much more awkward and futile online. As a male, you send a message, and hope to stick out among the hundreds of messages by mostly creeps. If you're lucky, you get a response. Then you have to be able to maintain a conversation long enough to build trust in order to get contact information to contact them outside of the dating app. And then you have to then build trust enough to get them actually meet you in public. All this without face to face interaction, or activities or anything. Sometimes its a matter of months to get there, and as you may imagine these women wonder off. Lack of chemistry, wondering into another relationship, deleting the app because another person creeped them out so much. Put out fifty feelers, maybe one interaction gets far enough to get to the actual meeting in person phase.
So imagine my surprise when I have not one, but four interactions with women that I feel like I could meet at anytime. I'm not one to date more than one person at a time, but I figure, I can go out on a date with each of them at least once and then figure out if any of them are worth a second date.
Girl #1, seems most like relationship material. But she cancels on me. The next night I go out with Girl #2, it goes okay. We have a good time. Dinner, a show, and then a dessert. But not even a good night hug. I have no idea if that means she doesn't like me, or she's shy. I'll ask her out again to figure it out. Girl #3 seems most like my type, but she lives an hour away. I put it on the back burner.
Next weekend I make maybe plans with Girl #3 for Friday. They wind up not happening. That's okay because Saturday I have plans with Girl #4, and Sunday a second attempt at a first date with Girl #1. Yeah, I might be pushing my luck.
Girl #4 is one who, on the surface doesn't to be the best fit for me, but not a bad one either. But that's the whole point of dating isn't it? To figure that out. So we go out. Dinner, drinks and a movie, nothing to suggest this was going to be a life altering event, but we definitely clicked more than I thought we were going too.
The next day Girl #1 cancels on me again. So I'm texting back and forth with Girl #3, she asks me what I'm doing, I tell her I'm thinking about ordering Chinese food. She tells me her order of Chinese, and that she always orders twice as much as she will eat so she can have leftovers, but if I wanted to come over, I was welcome to them. Who am I to turn down free food? I didn't give much thought to pacing obviously, but two dates in two days with the same woman ... not slow.
Her place is downright intimidating to me. The only women I've really dated since I split from the ex-wife have been divorced single moms or those who are still trying to find their way in life. In other words, semi-nomadic apartment dwellers, with strained financial resources. This one made out well in the divorce from her doctor ex-husband. Her so called humble abode is a four bedroom fully remodeled house, and just to additionally blow my poverty trained mind, new matching furniture through out. While most of this was purchased with the divorce settlement, she's not exactly hurting for cash herself. She's a home health care nurse and makes a pretty penny. I am officially dating way out of my league, economically anyway.
We eat the Chinese on her couch and watch a Duck Dynasty marathon and talk. She tells me she's surprised I came over. I ask why, and she tells me she figured she was just another Random Internet Chick to me. "Not really my style" I tell her, unaware myself at that moment I had been trying to make it my style if only for two weeks. I failed at that attempt though, as I was done with trying to date Girls #1-3 ... for now anyway.
"I am going to have to start calling you that now, Random Internet Chick " I tell her "... Maybe just RIC for short." I can't call her by her real name anyway. It's way too similar to that of my ex-wife's. In fact, they both have the same nickname. Even worse at my wedding reception, while giving his toast, my best man called my ex by the wrong name. Want to guess what name he said by accident? I try not to over think that coincidence here in the present.
During a Duck Dynasty commercial break, RIC tells me she's getting a dog from the pound later in the week. Not just any dog, a stray and a pit bull at that. Given the reputation of the breed, it sounds a bit risky, but my Rocker Chick friend had a pit bull she fostered for a few weeks. Having no real exposure to pit bulls before that, I wasn't expecting it to be the sweetest dog in the world, but it was. While I was walking it one day, I called the pup a good dog, and it immediately dropped to the ground and rolled over for a belly rub. So perhaps I'll give this pit bull a chance. Since I work second shift I offer to go with her to pickup the dog in the morning, I'd be glad to go, so that she could worry about the dog and I would worry about the driving. I try to play it off as a practical offer as to not to appear overly interested in seeing her again. Then I realize the appointment to pick up the dog is Thursday. Thursday the Fourteenth ... of February. Valentine's Day.
I feel like I should get something for this girl I'm apparently dating now, especially if I'm seeing her on Valentine's day. What's the least I can buy to communicate I'm interested, but not too interested? I mean I've only seen the girl twice, don't want to over do it. I settle on flowers and a few dog toys. Dog toys are practical and thoughtful, and the flowers show a hint of a romantic side.
Pressing forward with this new/old friendship would be slightly less awkwardish if I was seeing someone. Odd numbers and such. Besides, I have a steady job now, it's the next logical step in moving my life forward. I hit the dating sites, start talking to a handful of gals.
Online dating is a pain in the ass. As awkward and difficult a blind first date is, it's so much more awkward and futile online. As a male, you send a message, and hope to stick out among the hundreds of messages by mostly creeps. If you're lucky, you get a response. Then you have to be able to maintain a conversation long enough to build trust in order to get contact information to contact them outside of the dating app. And then you have to then build trust enough to get them actually meet you in public. All this without face to face interaction, or activities or anything. Sometimes its a matter of months to get there, and as you may imagine these women wonder off. Lack of chemistry, wondering into another relationship, deleting the app because another person creeped them out so much. Put out fifty feelers, maybe one interaction gets far enough to get to the actual meeting in person phase.
So imagine my surprise when I have not one, but four interactions with women that I feel like I could meet at anytime. I'm not one to date more than one person at a time, but I figure, I can go out on a date with each of them at least once and then figure out if any of them are worth a second date.
Girl #1, seems most like relationship material. But she cancels on me. The next night I go out with Girl #2, it goes okay. We have a good time. Dinner, a show, and then a dessert. But not even a good night hug. I have no idea if that means she doesn't like me, or she's shy. I'll ask her out again to figure it out. Girl #3 seems most like my type, but she lives an hour away. I put it on the back burner.
Next weekend I make maybe plans with Girl #3 for Friday. They wind up not happening. That's okay because Saturday I have plans with Girl #4, and Sunday a second attempt at a first date with Girl #1. Yeah, I might be pushing my luck.
Girl #4 is one who, on the surface doesn't to be the best fit for me, but not a bad one either. But that's the whole point of dating isn't it? To figure that out. So we go out. Dinner, drinks and a movie, nothing to suggest this was going to be a life altering event, but we definitely clicked more than I thought we were going too.
The next day Girl #1 cancels on me again. So I'm texting back and forth with Girl #3, she asks me what I'm doing, I tell her I'm thinking about ordering Chinese food. She tells me her order of Chinese, and that she always orders twice as much as she will eat so she can have leftovers, but if I wanted to come over, I was welcome to them. Who am I to turn down free food? I didn't give much thought to pacing obviously, but two dates in two days with the same woman ... not slow.
Her place is downright intimidating to me. The only women I've really dated since I split from the ex-wife have been divorced single moms or those who are still trying to find their way in life. In other words, semi-nomadic apartment dwellers, with strained financial resources. This one made out well in the divorce from her doctor ex-husband. Her so called humble abode is a four bedroom fully remodeled house, and just to additionally blow my poverty trained mind, new matching furniture through out. While most of this was purchased with the divorce settlement, she's not exactly hurting for cash herself. She's a home health care nurse and makes a pretty penny. I am officially dating way out of my league, economically anyway.
We eat the Chinese on her couch and watch a Duck Dynasty marathon and talk. She tells me she's surprised I came over. I ask why, and she tells me she figured she was just another Random Internet Chick to me. "Not really my style" I tell her, unaware myself at that moment I had been trying to make it my style if only for two weeks. I failed at that attempt though, as I was done with trying to date Girls #1-3 ... for now anyway.
"I am going to have to start calling you that now, Random Internet Chick " I tell her "... Maybe just RIC for short." I can't call her by her real name anyway. It's way too similar to that of my ex-wife's. In fact, they both have the same nickname. Even worse at my wedding reception, while giving his toast, my best man called my ex by the wrong name. Want to guess what name he said by accident? I try not to over think that coincidence here in the present.
During a Duck Dynasty commercial break, RIC tells me she's getting a dog from the pound later in the week. Not just any dog, a stray and a pit bull at that. Given the reputation of the breed, it sounds a bit risky, but my Rocker Chick friend had a pit bull she fostered for a few weeks. Having no real exposure to pit bulls before that, I wasn't expecting it to be the sweetest dog in the world, but it was. While I was walking it one day, I called the pup a good dog, and it immediately dropped to the ground and rolled over for a belly rub. So perhaps I'll give this pit bull a chance. Since I work second shift I offer to go with her to pickup the dog in the morning, I'd be glad to go, so that she could worry about the dog and I would worry about the driving. I try to play it off as a practical offer as to not to appear overly interested in seeing her again. Then I realize the appointment to pick up the dog is Thursday. Thursday the Fourteenth ... of February. Valentine's Day.
I feel like I should get something for this girl I'm apparently dating now, especially if I'm seeing her on Valentine's day. What's the least I can buy to communicate I'm interested, but not too interested? I mean I've only seen the girl twice, don't want to over do it. I settle on flowers and a few dog toys. Dog toys are practical and thoughtful, and the flowers show a hint of a romantic side.
We pick up the dog. It's hyper and excited but that's to be expected with a new home. Otherwise, the dog is a big baby. I guess RIC isn't nuts for getting it after all. I head to work, but not before she invites me to a friend's birthday party Saturday night. I decline, it's my weekend with the kids.
On the other hand, there is a benefit to having to stay with my parents when I have my kids. That being once the kids are asleep, my parents have no objection to watching them and I can sneak out for the night. So that's exactly what I do. We have some drinks and birthday cake, I meet her best friend and others. I didn't even mention to her I might be coming until the kids were asleep, so she was properly impressed with my efforts.
The next day I decide to take the kids to a movie. I check the listings, and the only dollar theater showing a kid friendly movie at a time we can reasonably make is located right in RIC's back yard. It's dumb, but I really want to see her again. I text her, tell her I'm taking the kids to a movie and then add "I know it's kinda rushing things, but if this is going somewhere, and I hope it is, if on the off chance you and my kids didn't get along, it'd be better to know sooner rather than later. So if you'd happen to show up at the movie, I'd have no objection to that."
So RIC joins me and my kids for Wreck It Ralph. The boy is restless, and by the end of the movie he's in my lap. The lights come up and I have my arm around RIC, the boy in my lap, and my daughter laying her head on me. Life feels really good at this moment. It's been a long time since I could say that. I'm almost afraid to get used to it. We go McDonald's for a happy meal fix before I take the kids back to their mother's. RIC asks me to come over on my way home, I agree.
Several hours later I arrive at her place. Another uneventful evening at her place, but it's exactly what I want. Life has been too damn interesting for too long. A night in front of the TV, with a beautiful woman, just what I need.
"You know I'm on this training shift for the next few weeks," I tell her, "so I'm almost on normal people hours instead of second shift. So it'd seem to me like I would be wasting an opportunity if I didn't try to take advantage of it and spend time, I normally wouldn't have, with you." As luck would have it, RIC is between work assignments and she's off work until further notice. Guess we'll be spending a lot of time together.
All attempts at taking things slow have gone out the window. I'm trying to decide why this might be a bad thing, but right now, I don't have a reason. Maybe there is one. But this is what I want ... This feels good. And damn it I deserve to feel good. I'm trying not to expect this to go wrong. Everything has gone wrong for me the past few years. Things are allowed to be good for a change. "Don't hold back just because you're expecting it to go wrong" I tell myself, "I'm allowed to be happy!"
After that night, I wouldn't sleep in my own bed for another month.
This is my life now.
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