You and Me and the Bottle Make Three

Why didn't I say it back? Am I afraid? Or is there legitimate reason to thing there's something not quite right. I don't know, but I know I need to find out before I can use that four letter "L" word back. I don't feel like I can wait for it to work its self out either. I need to ask. I put it off though because if I'm right, it might end. I don't want it to end. I give myself a week. 

Thursday night I do my regularly scheduled call with the kids. My daughter mentions to me that tomorrow night is a father / daughter dance at her school and since I can't take her my ExWife's father is. After I'm done talking to the kids, I ask to speak to the Soon-To-Be-ExWife. I ask her about this father/daughter dance, since this is the first I've heard about it. She won't even give me the time or place. Says if I can't pick up the kids on Friday nights, I can't go to a dance either. She's right that I don't pick up kids on Friday nights, I usually work second shift and don't get off till 11pm. This week however I'm on that goofy earlier scheduled training shift, and depending on when it starts, I might be able to be there in time for it. She screams and yells at me "No, you don't get to pick! You either get them every Friday or no Fridays!" Congratulations, you missed a legitimate chance to make me feel like a bad father because I might not have been able to go. Instead, you were a selfish bitch who withheld information from me, thus making it impossible for me to go, and made it all on you.

RIC had disappeared into the kitchen for most of this, while she didn't hear the actual conversation, she could hear the elevated volume. "That didn't sound like it went well." I recall the finer points of the argument, and audibly remind myself that the only chance I have to have a civilized discussion with her is to have it in writing. RIC's heard some of the stories about my ex by now, but this is the first she's had proof they're more than just stories told from the point of view of an angry ex.

RIC tells me about her best friend, and how her husband is on such bad terms with his ex-wife, that eventually her best friend stepped in, and now on all matters relating to the kids, he's not involved in the discussion. Just her best friend and her best friend's husband's exwife. "That's great for him" I say "think she'll deal with my ex-wife for me?" "No, I just meant maybe sometime down the road, I'd deal with her instead of you."

*crickets*

I don't even know what the say to that. I wouldn't wish what my ex-wife puts me through on my worst enemy, and she's volunteering to take her off my hands for me? Do she know what she'd be getting herself into? We've known each other for an amount of time that can be best measured in days and weeks ... wow! That's big. It's huge. It's too soon. 

"Maybe someday, not quite yet though." I tell her. "Yeah, that's what I meant. It's too soon now" she says with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

Friday night we're sitting around watching TV, I'm wishing I could be at that dance instead. I'm lamenting this fact, when RIC asks me if I'd like some company on the five hour round trip to pick up the kids. My wife refuses to provide any transportation so it's a tremendous time and money suck. It's draining. But I do it for my kids. It hadn't even occurred to me to ask for her company, but it's welcomed. We leave early the next morning. With company the time passes quicker. 

Upon arriving at the ex's house, RIC asks me "So do you want me to go in with you?" I'd been pondering that the whole drive. "I'm not going to ask you to come in, it's up to you. I could honestly go either way ... However, she's less likely to throw a stupid fit with someone else around."

We go to the door and knock and wait. Knock again. Finally one of the kids comes and unlocks the door runs away giggling. It's some sort of game the kids play. It's also a game the ex plays. She won't answer the door, makes the kids unlock it, so it's on me to invite myself in or stand outside for who knows how long without even acknowledgement I'm there. I can't help but feel this sooner or later will be called "breaking and entering" by her. 

We enter, and as is typical we speak to the kids and not each other. She's on the computer and won't even look in my direction this time. "Com'on kids get ready! Your dad is three minutes early so you need to hurry up and get ready cause he's too impatient to wait in the driveway until it's his time."

I think she can hear my eyes rolling, so she finally turns around with contempt ready to lay into me. That's when she realized that there was another adult in the house. Suddenly she's all sunshine and rainbows. RIC's the bigger person, and introduces herself. The ex shakes her hand, if you can call it that, like a limp wristed, palm down aristocrat burdened by allowing physical contact with a commoner. 

Finally the kids are ready, we load up the car and make the 150 minute drive to RIC's. We grab some lunch and then digest on the couch watching SpongeBob. My boy climbs into my lap. RIC's laying with her dog snuggled up to her. I give my daughter a hard time because she's the only one not cuddling with someone, fully expecting her to come and compete with her brother for my lap. Instead she crawls the length on the couch, and plops down on top of RIC. 

Damn, I guess I need not worry about if they'll get along or not. The stars seem to be aligning. With all the shit I've been though. Damn it, I deserve this kid of relationship. I've tried to have realistic expectations for a relationship. This one seems to exceed my most unrealistic fantasies for a relationship. All this suffering for the past few years has been worth it if this is my reward. Is this karma leveling out? I'm happy. I'm ready to abandon all my fears. 

We make plans to go to a children's museum with the kids the next day. I head to my parents' with the kids. That night RIC calls me. She's mumbling and incoherent and then hangs up unexpectedly. I don't know what to make of this, is she sick and trying to ask for help? Is there some medical condition she has that she hadn't told me about? Before I figure out what to do she calls back. 

"Are you drunk?" I finally ask. 
"Yeah."
"Go sleep it off and I'll see you in the morning."

We have a great time the next morning. The kids are rambunctious, but well behaved. For not having kids of her own, RIC's incredibly interactive with them. When I'm around other peoples kids I'm reserved. She playing with them and entertaining them. Not overstepping boundaries, but not leary of them either. We go to a late lunch before I take the kids back. 

RIC apologizes for not going with me to take the kids back. Her best friend wants a girls night. While I'd like to have company, I certainly don't require it. I tell her to have fun and I'd see her in five hours. 

When I arrive back home, her home that is, I ask her how her girls night was. She tells me it was good, but we need to talk. No conversation that starts with "we need to talk" is a happy conversation.

Her best friend had strongly suggested that she tell me something. Okay ... obviously what she has to tell me is weighing greatly on her mind, so I'm as patient and as calm as I can pretend to be. In my head I'm panicking. This is the other horrible thing in the back of my mind I've been waiting for. She can't even look at me when she says it. 

"I got a DUI last year."
That's it? 
"Okay, Obviously not a good thing, but not a deal breaker." 
"There's more" she tells me "that job I quit last year? Really I got fired for showing up drunk." 
"Oh" I say,  this is a bit worse, and will take more time to mentally process, but slowly, "We've all made mistakes." 
Somehow she doesn't look relieved. 
"That's not all" she tells me. By now she's actually crying, "I spent 67 days in rehab for alcohol." 

This is almost good news to me. I mean if she did a stint in rehab, it's in the past. everything she said was past tense. It's in the past. 

"I'm glad you told me," I said "I was afraid I was going to have to ask. I had clues ... I just didn't know what they added up too. When I was Facebook stalking you when we first met you had several posts counting the number of days sober ... And the AA schedule taped to the side of your fridge. That was a pretty big clue. After last night I was worried and needed more than just hints of what the story was. I was afraid it was ... current." 

"Last night?" 
"You called me last night when you were drunk ... Twice." 
"I'm sorry, I don't remember that. There's no excuse for that." 

We sit in silence for and I put together the pieces of her life before we met. She split from her ex-husband and, had a very tough time of it. Self medicated for her depression. After losing her job and getting a DUI she went to rehab, part because it was needed, part to avoid jail. 

She breaks the silence. "Are you staying?" 

"Yeah, I'm staying. It's in the past. We all have our pasts. Good or bad, your past brought you here to me, and right now I'm happy." 

"I don't understand how you're so understanding" she tells me.

I shrug. "I guess it's because I love you."

This is my life now.